Throughout addiction recovery, many external circumstances may interfere with your ability to maintain sobriety. If you are recovering from alcohol use disorder (AUD), such circumstances may be greater in number since drinking is often the center of social gatherings and celebrations. Further, if your spouse still drinks, you may feel triggered and tempted to reengage in alcohol use. While this situation is not ideal, your sobriety does not have to be the end of your relationship. If you and your partner are willing to make it work, it is certainly possible for you to maintain sobriety while your spouse still drinks.
At NorthStar Transitions, we recognize that although sobriety is the safest and healthiest choice, it is a choice that each person must make for themselves. Thus, we are dedicated to meeting all our clients where they are in their recovery journey. If you have already completed treatment, you can engage in continuing care through our alumni program. Our treatment and aftercare options can help you make the best decisions for yourself and your family moving forward, which can be especially valuable if your spouse still drinks.
When you initially entered addiction treatment, many factors likely played a role in your willingness to receive professional guidance and support. For example, you may have become aware of the consequences of your substance abuse on the lives of those you love, which motivated your behavior change. You may have also felt compelled to engage in treatment due to the encouragement and support of loved ones knowing that you deserve healing and peace.
Regardless of what factors contributed to your decision to pursue sobriety, you must recognize the importance of each of these factors as you work to maintain sobriety throughout your life. Likewise, you must also recognize that recovery is a personal journey.
Sobriety is wrought with daily challenges, mostly because others will continue to engage in alcohol and other drug use. When you feel triggered by others who are drinking, you must remind yourself that everyone is on their own healing journey. Some may not discover the consequences of their alcohol use for years, while others may be a few days away from entering a treatment program.
Meanwhile, others may choose to have a drink every once and a while and rarely ever reap the consequences of doing so. Remember that every person has a unique biological makeup and is enduring unique lived experiences, which all play a role in the potential development of addiction.
Marriage can be particularly challenging for anyone to navigate in recovery. However, maintaining abstinence when your spouse still drinks can be especially daunting. While you may disagree with your spouse's decision to drink, you must remind yourself that your recovery is a personal journey. Thus, to ensure a healthy marriage, specifically one that is supportive of your sobriety, there are steps you can take to protect your sobriety while your spouse still drinks.
One of the most important factors that can help you maintain abstinence while your spouse still drinks is good communication. You can work to strengthen your communication skills with your spouse by:
Having open and honest dialogues about your expectations and concerns for when your spouse drinks can be helpful, as it places honor and respect on both parties involved.
Establishing and maintaining boundaries goes hand-in-hand with strengthening your communication skills. When setting boundaries for your marriage, it is important that you understand your limits and that you are willing to voice your needs. As for any balanced marriage, your spouse must also feel comfortable doing the same. Some examples of boundaries you may consider setting alongside your spouse include:
If your spouse is unable to meet your expectations or does not honor your boundaries, it is important to have a plan for how to navigate your next steps. Further, if you are both willing to make it work, your spouse may need to consider ceasing their alcohol and other drug use for the sake of your marriage.
Remember, this is a case-by-case basis, so avoid comparing yourself to the relationships of others when determining whether or not you are okay with your spouse drinking and the repercussions of them doing so. At NorthStar Transitions, we can meet you and your spouse where you are at on your recovery journeys and work to influence lasting wellness in both of your lives.
If you are sober and your spouse still drinks, it is still possible to have a successful relationship and marriage. However, you must work to strengthen your communication with your spouse and ensure that you establish and maintain healthy boundaries. In addition, you must remember that recovery is a personal journey. If you are struggling, know that there are people who have walked in your shoes and know how challenging it can be to live with a spouse who still drinks. At NorthStar Transitions, we can provide you with the peer and professional support you need to thrive in sobriety. To learn more about how we can help, give us a call today at (303) 558-6400.
