No matter how old you are, the people who raised you will always profoundly impact who you become. Even if you don’t have a close relationship with your primary caregivers, you may still have a soft spot for them and want to see them be happy and healthy. Seeing the individual you view as a parent struggle with addiction can be challenging, especially when it’s all you have ever known. When you become an adult, you may feel inclined to help your parent overcome their struggles in whatever manner possible.
However, navigating this support is more challenging than you may initially believe. By learning the proper ways of supporting an addicted parent, you can begin to protect yourself and them from future harm.
A standard parent-child relationship typically involves the parent taking on a caregiver role to provide shelter, security, and support for their child. However, these roles are commonly reversed in situations where the parent struggles with substance abuse. The child typically takes on the part of the caregiver, often without even realizing it, to help their parent maintain some function of daily life. For example, many children find themselves cleaning up after their intoxicated parent after a night of drinking.
Many children take on exceedingly arduous emotional labor due to their parent’s addiction. They may be forced to get jobs to help pay the bills because their parent spends money on drugs and alcohol. Others even take responsibility for their parent’s addiction, claiming things such as, “My mom drinks because raising me is stressful for her.”
Such role reversals often cause the child to grow up faster than they are generally expected to, which can cause problems with social relationships and emotional boundaries later in life. By understanding this role reversal, you can begin to realize that your parent’s addiction was never your fault and the lasting impact it had on your life was due to their actions, not yours.
If a parent’s addiction has been present since the beginning of their children’s lives, their behavior is often normalized within the home. However, you may not know much about addiction other than the destruction it has played in your family’s lives, causing your knowledge to be shrouded in emotional assumptions. By taking the time to research the disease, you will understand how it operates in a person’s mind, thus giving you the appropriate context to understand it truly.
The more research you do, the better equipped you will be to provide your parent the support they need. You will also be more readily available to protect your mental health as you navigate supporting your parent.
If your parent has used drugs and alcohol since your birth, you most likely took on the role of caretaker at some point. You most likely learned not to have any boundaries, as your parent consistently crossed them throughout your life to maintain their addiction. However, you can support your parent and your mental health by setting boundaries and actively upholding them. By doing so, you will regain control in the relationship and cease enabling their addiction to continue.
Setting boundaries will be challenging at first, but they will ultimately protect your mental health and give your parent the wake-up call they need. Some ways to start setting boundaries are not to allow them to stay in the home if they use drugs and alcohol, stop loaning money to your parent, and limit communication as their addiction continues. Remember, you are not setting boundaries to hurt your parent but rather to protect your general well-being.
It can be easy to neglect your mental health needs when you are concerned about your parent’s addiction. However, seeking professional help for yourself can provide the support you need to heal from the devastating effects of a parent’s addiction. Therapy can address underlying traumas, help you process complicated emotions, give you the tools to navigate a relationship with your parent, and teach you to prevent yourself from continuing the cycle of addiction. Seeking help is not weak but a sign of strength that shows you care about your well-being first.
If you feel comfortable, you can consider staging an intervention for your addicted parent. An intervention should be carefully planned with the help of an intervention specialist, serving as a wake-up call for the person struggling with addiction. Working with the specialist can help you and your family members learn what to say and how to say it, thus providing a positive environment full of love and support for the parent. If things go well, your parent may take the next step of checking into a treatment facility. Contact an intervention specialist to get started.
Having a parent struggle with addiction is challenging no matter how old you are. However, knowing how to support them and yourself during this challenging time properly can ensure you are taken care of and nudge your parent to get the help they need. It is understandable if you are struggling with where to start when it comes to supporting an addicted parent, which is why NorthStar Transitions is here to help. We provide family therapy and educational workshops to help you navigate the obstacles ahead of you to ensure you are taken care of, and your parent has the support they need to begin recovery. Should your parent want to enter rehab, our programs are waiting to help them heal. Evidence-based clinical practices tailored to each patient’s specific needs have been proven repeatedly to jumpstart lasting recovery. Find help today by calling (303) 558-6400 and begin your journey to healing.
