How to Confront a Friend About Their Substance Use Disorder

Substance use disorder (SUD) can be a difficult topic to discuss with some people. It can be even more challenging when the person who is suffering from SUD is a close friend. Though it is undoubtedly important to have a conversation, there are ways to and not to approach the subject. There are also signs that you should look out for to know whether your friend has SUD so you can help them. It's challenging to bring the topic of SUD up, but you want to see your friend enjoy life. There are things you can do after you confront them to help them get better.

Signs of Substance Use Disorder

There are many warning signs when it comes to observing and identifying an addiction. The four categories to look for are lifestyle changes, physical changes, behavioral changes, and psychological changes. These can manifest as:

  • Lifestyle: Dropping responsibilities, legal trouble, sudden change in friend groups or habits
  • Physical: Weight loss or gain, impaired coordination, change in sleep schedule
  • Behavioral: Suspicious behavior, drop in performance at school and/or work, excessive risk-taking
  • Psychological: Anxious, paranoid, mood swings, overall personality change

If your friend exhibits a number of these symptoms, they may be suffering from SUD

How to Confront Your Friend

Getting your friend to a place where they can acknowledge that they have a problem is often the most difficult part of the process. There may be several underlying issues as to why your friend is using substances, possibly even a dual diagnosis. With that said, it is important to handle this situation with as much care and respect as possible. 

What to Do

The process of realizing a need for help and getting treatment can be trying for people. Keep in mind that you love your friend and you want what is best for them. This doesn't mean that confronting them about their SUD will be easy. However, it does mean that you're doing this out of love and care for their well-being. Reminding yourself of that can help you get through this difficult conversation.

Setting boundaries around your involvement in the friendship and the level of help you're willing to give is extremely important. Not only are you trying to help your friend, you must also try to protect yourself. Setting boundaries is a good way to do both. For example, you might tell your friend that you won't be around them when they're under the influence because it makes you uncomfortable or worried. When you set boundaries, you help them decide what they value more: substances or your friendship. On the flip side, you might say that you're willing to help them find treatment options but you aren't going to do all the work for them.

A key tool when confronting a friend about their SUD is making suggestions, not demands. Demands can be taken as an attack which can make your friend get defensive. This leads to very little getting accomplished. When you phrase things as suggestions, it comes off as less intimidating and leaves room for constructive conversations about different options for getting help.

What Not to Do

The most important thing is that you don't come off accusatory or hostile. If your friend feels like they're under attack, they might get aggravated. This can cause them to completely close off any thought of seeking treatment. You must keep a level head when speaking to them about getting help.

Another thing to avoid is force. If you try to force your friend to go to treatment, it probably won't be effective. Getting sober and entering recovery requires your friend to choose that for themselves. By forcing them into recovery, the process will not stick because it's not something they want for themselves.  

Next Steps

After you've confronted your friend, you may not know what to do next. Luckily, there are many options. One is that your friend could enroll at a treatment center like NorthStar Transitions. If your friend can't or doesn't want to go to a treatment center, you could also help them get sober on their own. This could mean things like taking them to doctor appointments so they can understand detox risks, helping them find peer support meetings in the area, and helping them adjust to life with a sober mindset.

Confronting a friend about their SUD is not easy. There can be many challenges throughout the conversation and the rest of the process. If you stay positive and remember the best ways to approach the conversation, you can be a great help to your friend. Remember that your involvement could save your friend's life. Substance use can be life-threatening, but even if it's not, you are still trying to save them from a life where substances are in control.

When someone you care about is struggling with substance use disorder, it can be hard to approach them about their problematic behavior. At times, you may not know what to say or even how to bring it up in the first place. The best thing to keep in mind is that you care about them and are looking out for what's best for them. When talking to a friend about their substance use habits, take your time and understand that this is not an easy thing to accept. Remind yourself that this is something they need to hear but may not want to hear. After discussing this, the next steps you can take to support them are helping them find treatment options. NorthStar Transitions is a great place to find that help. To learn more, reach out today at (303) 558-6400.

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