Many parents wonder if they push their children too hard or not enough. Children need to be challenged, but not so much that they crack under the pressure, which can be a delicate balance for parents to maintain. It's easy for parents to become overbearing when trying to push kids to grow up or be the best they can be. On the flip side, parents can easily be too lax by letting the child figure things out on their own, which doesn't set them up for success either.
Striking the right balance of parental involvement with children can be difficult, but it's incredibly important. Putting a child under too much stress from high expectations can increase the child's risk of substance use. On the same note, when a child is not pushed enough or doesn't have concrete boundaries, they may find themselves bored and fall into unhealthy habits.
Being a parent is one of the most fulfilling jobs in life. Sure, parenting has its challenges, but a parent's relationship with their children as they grow up is one of the best, most natural, and most important challenges to overcome for the good of everyone involved.
Every parent wants to make sure their child is safe and protected as they grow and increase the child’s success rate to live a healthy lifestyle once on their own. Without establishing a healthy relationship between a parent and child, outside influences may take over in a child's life, for better or for worse. Parents are the first real relationship a child has in the world, and if parental duties are not fulfilled, children could be relationally stunted or be led down harmful paths.
Healthy relationships are essential in life as they nurture emotional, social, and physical development. Interactions between parents and their children are the foundation of the child’s development and life choices. Of course, you as a parent want to see your child succeed and achieve positive outcomes, but there is a balance between pushing them hard at times and backing off at others.
Parental influence is essential because parents have already been through many of life's ups and downs. Therefore, they should instill patterns and rules from the beginning to help their children succeed. This must start from early on in a child's life and be consistent through all of their formative years.
Rules may seem stifling to a child, but putting rules in place like a curfew, no eating before bedtime, or a regular house-tidying routine can help put boundaries up to keep them safe. These rules can be adjusted as they grow up and hit different milestones. Without boundaries, children are more likely to get into trouble or develop entitled personality traits that won't serve them well later.
At the same time, rules should not be too strict. Keeping a child under strict lock and key can end with them lashing out or going behind their parents' back to get what they want. Finding the sweet spot where children learn good habits and are kept safe without smothering them is tricky, but necessary.
If a parent is wondering whether they're pushing their child too hard or not enough, they should look closely at their child's behavior and successes. Things like their grades, their social life, and how often they need to be disciplined are good indicators. If a child struggles to meet their parent's expectations, is falling behind in schoolwork, or regularly gets into trouble, it may be time for their parent to re-examine their parenting style.
Children need to have life experiences but also need support and encouragement. Without experience, they may not develop self-responsiveness or motivation for future successes. The best way for parents to determine if they need to back off and let their children experience life or put more boundaries in place for their safety and growth is to talk to their children. They can explain if they feel they are being smothered or if they need more help with everyday things.
When a child understands that their parent has their best in mind and is willing to make adjustments for their well-being, they are more inclined to make the right decision. However, if their parents' support is too harsh, they might be more willing to experiment than take parental advice.
Parenting must be managed with boundaries, clear expectations, and positive experiences for the child. If they have no boundaries, they can fall into unhealthy habits. If parental expectations are unclear, they can feel like they are always falling short or have nothing to strive for. If they only ever have negative experiences and no successes, they can develop bad coping habits.
Some positive parenting techniques that help encourage children's growth include:
At NorthStar Transitions, we know building a quality child-parent relationship requires finding a balance between putting up boundaries for growth and letting a child learn from life experiences. If a child doesn't have these in proper measure, they may be at higher risk for substance use. If you’re worried that you push your child too hard or not enough, strengthening your relationship will give you insights into what they need. If you suspect your child struggles with substance use, help is available. Though NorthStar Transitions only serves adults eighteen and older who struggle with substance use, our team can provide resources for you to help manage substance use problems in your child. To find out more about our addiction recovery facility in Boulder, Colorado, call us at (303) 558-6400. Our team of experts is able and willing to help you discover the path to healing your relationship with your children and get them on the right track.
